Two year mark

January 2008, August 2008...

Those month mark the two year anniversary of my mom's and Robin's death..With all the death i have expierenced these two always hit me the hardest..

Yesterday, I thought of Robin often everytime my eyes would well up with tears. The sadness over taking my heart... I know you are in a better place. I know you are no longer suffering. It doesn't make me miss you any less.

You will always be a hero to me.


Hi everyone...

I am posting this morning because i have a need for a new primary care physician or at least a second opinion...

I went to the Dr yesterday. He is now saying i have mild hypertension. He gave me a mild diuretic to take. I asked him about my thyroid meds and he said they are perfect according to the number.. but he didn't really listen to me... I can tell you that my meds aren't correct.

I was very upset by the fact that he didn't listen to me. So, I think i would like to find a Dr who will listen to me and talk with my about solutions and options.

Can any of you recommend someone?

Thank you...

On the edge of the abyss...

I look into the abyss and I see no light... I only see darkness...

I am sure my hormones have everything to do with this mood... I try ever so hard not to complain... Not to worry people with my problems... I try so hard to be strong... yet I feel so alone... so weak...I just want to give up... I just want to cry...

I love my family... so very much... but I have to say taking care of my father and my grandmother is sooooooo much work... I know that I won’t regret it late in life... but right now it's a heavy weight to carry... It such an emotional thing they are so lonely. Going to see my father is always hard because he wants to bitch about the rest of my family. Or he needs money for groceries or what nots. Going to see my grandmother always makes me so sad... she is so alone... She doesn’t remember well. She doesn’t think well... Sometime we find out by the birds. Sometimes we find her in her apartment sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the TV. She is not really a talker so conversation is always forced and hard to keep going.

My health is better but not well. All I want is results from all this hard work. I workout 4-5 day a week. I am eating 12-1500 calories a day... yet i do not lose weight. Of course I know why but that doesn’t change the fact that my clothes don’t fit. That doesn’t change the fact that the weight is causing my body harm. I will just keep plugging away hopefully at some point something will give... Or my meds will finally be right... Just a little progress. I am not talking about losing large amounts of weight... even 2-lbs at this point would be an improvement.

I am very sad that I don't get to see my Friends as much anymore. I know people have their own lives and their own set of problems. I just wish we could get together more... Hang out, talk those kinds of things. I feel so distant from everyone... I just don't like it.

Then of course is last but certainly not least employment. As it is every year this time I have to reapply for my job. If that isn’t scary enough john might lost his job toooo... We should both know by June if we are going to have a job but for now we sit on pins and needles trying not to worry.

Stolen From Eve's harder than it looks! Copy and paste into a new
blog. *Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the
following...they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up!
Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same

1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.
You're up!!

What's your name? Neiva

4 letter word: Nice

City: New england

Boy Name: Neil

Girl Name: nancy

Occupation: Nail Tech

Something you wear: nike

Celebrity: Nick Nolte

Food: nuts

Reason for Being Late: nylons

Something You Shout: NEVER!!!!

The mystery has been solved

Finally.... After 4 months of rigorously working out ( 5 days a week)
and cutting my calorie intake to 1500 calories we know why i have been
gaining weight instead of losing weight as i should be.. I gaines 25lbs in less than 4 months.

I have hypothyroidism - which means i don't produce enough chemical to
regulate my metabolism. it causes the following

Modest weight gain
Cold intolerance
Excessive sleepiness
Dry, coarse hair
Dry skin
Muscle cramps
Increased cholesterol levels
Decreased concentration
Vague aches and pains
Swelling of the legs

I am so excited that i am not crazy.... Hopefully now all this hard work will pay off once the meds kick in..

I would also like to wish everyone a happy birthday who has a birthday in January
  • Current Mood
    optimistic optimistic